Marriage Marries Misery
The views expressed here are
explicitly of the author only and does not reflect any one else's stance except
that of the author's.Any suggestions and comments are highly welcome and kindly
mail them to the author at : vivek@vivekthakur.com
11thOctober, 2002
Marriage.
A name which marks an
exciting beginning for two people. It is said that marriage is not only joining
of two hearts but also of two families. Marriage is one of the most crucial
decision for an individual. A wrong choice will probably preclude a successful
and a happy life.
As we are progressing in this ultra modern
21st century, divorce is steadily acquiring the status of being the 'next step'
to marriage. A recent report in a national daily, regarding the rising divorce
cases, says: " The most common causes cited in divorce petitions range from
dowry demands by the spouse, adultery, sexual incompatibility, fraud and
hostile in-laws. Significantly, a majority of the cases involve love marriages
that turned sour. The tolerance threshold levels between partners are
lowering". But what are the causes? I see three major reasons:
Firstly, during the courtship phase couples develop a very rosy
picture of life after marriage. But soon after marriage, they realize that
things are not all that hunky-dory and that they have to constantly work at
keeping their partnership going smoothly. Also, the issue of concern is that
young men and women are still unable to choose their right life partners. Most
of them still lack the maturity to judge their ideal spouses. Before marriage,
a person's individuality should be the first thing taken into consideration.
The couple should also look at the plus-points and the possible pitfalls of
their relationship. They should give time and space to each other and discuss
all important issues together before engaging in a matrimonial alliance. Just
blindly falling in love followed by marriage cannot ensure a perfectly happy
married life. We always admire the beauty of the full moon but never see its
dark side which is always hidden from us.
Also, as modern Indian woman is facing more exposure she is beginning
to realize the importance of individuality and independence. Today's woman
discards the centuries old myth that Husband is GOD. She rightly feels that she
can live quite well without the support of a male counterpart. She is rightly
questioning the male authority and in the process becoming self independent and
confident. She no longer wants a husband just for food, shelter or
security. She wants a friend, a friend whom she can trust and share her
problems, a partner with whom she can be herself.
But the major concern is male chauvinism. Indian male, since a long
time has developed a distinct image of an 'ideal' wife, thanks to our society.
Wife, to him, means someone who can bear his child to continue next generation,
who can work all day in his house without complaining, who can respect him and
his family irrespective of their behavior towards her, whom he can abuse and
beat whenever he wants, and who can obey his orders and decisions blindly. To
give importance to a wife's views is considered detrimental to one's
masculinity, and we all amuse ourselves by calling such a man a "joru ka
ghulam".
All these reasons combined poison a relationship. But this is
the reality, the truth which is prevalent in our society. No longer can we
ignore this truth.
But simply accepting this truth won't help us much. Until we change
our social attitude nothing is going to help. The decision to marry affects
both of the lives after marriage, but if things don't turn out right, the
effect is more traumatic in case of women given the social advantage that men
enjoy in our Indian society.